Monica’s Musings: Crying in H Mart

Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner

“In fact, she was both my first and second words: Umma, then Mom. I called to her in two languages. Even then I must have known that no one would ever love me as much as she would.” ― Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner

Summary: A memoir about growing up Korean American, losing her mother, and forging her own identity.

Michelle Zauner tells of growing up one of the few Asian American kids at her school in Eugene, Oregon; of struggling with her mother’s particular, high expectations of her; of a painful adolescence; of treasured months spent in her grandmother’s tiny apartment in Seoul, where she and her mother would bond, late at night, over heaping plates of food.

As she grew up, moving to the East Coast for college, finding work in the restaurant industry, performing gigs with her fledgling band—and meeting the man who would become her husband—her Koreanness began to feel ever more distant, even as she found the life she wanted to live. It was her mother’s diagnosis of terminal cancer when Michelle was twenty-five, that forced a reckoning with her identity and brought her to reclaim the gifts of taste, language, and history her mother had given her.

My thoughts: Michelle was only 25 when she lost her mother to cancer. Michelle and her mother had many ups and downs, especially in her adolescence and early adulthood. This emotionally intense memoir reflects the complex nature of the mother-and-daughter relationship while representing Korean culture, traditions, rituals, and hierarchical patterns.

Michelle finally attempts to see things from her mother’s perspective and realizes the importance of her life lessons. It is impossible not to be shaken to the core or not to feel the intense pain Michelle had as she said goodbye to her mother. This book is great for anyone who would like to relate to grief or who wants to understand it more. Losing family is something no one fully prepares for. I would rate this highly for the author’s ability to portray such a drastic life event in a way readers can emotionally understand.