Monica’s Musings: Counting the Cost

Counting the Cost by Jill Duggar

“Getting out cost us, but it was worth it. It was worth it to find freedom from the guilt and the fear.”
― Jill Duggar, Counting the Cost

Summary: Jill and Derick knew a normal life wasn’t possible for them. As a star on the popular TLC reality show 19 Kids and Counting, Jill grew up in front of viewers who were fascinated by her family’s way of life. She was the responsible, second daughter of Jim Bob and Michelle’s nineteen kids; always with a baby on her hip and happy to wear the modest ankle-length dresses with throat-high necklines. She didn’t protest the strict model of patriarchy that her family followed, which declares that men are superior, that women are expected to be wives and mothers and are discouraged from attaining a higher education, and that parental authority over their children continues well into adulthood, even once they are married.

But as Jill got older, married Derick, and they embarked on their own lives, the red flags became too obvious to ignore. For as long as they could, Jill and Derick tried to be obedient family members — they weren’t willing to rock the boat. But now they’re raising a family of their own, and they’re done with the secrets. Thanks to time, tears, therapy, and blessings from God, they have the strength to share their journey. Theirs is a remarkable story of the power of the truth and is a moving example of how to find healing through honesty.

My Opinion: Overall, this memoir plays it very safe, and this is probably a wise move on Jill’s part, especially given that she does not want to burn bridges with her family. Reading this book, it seems impossible to cast her as disrespectful, rebellious, or uncaring, though other fundamentalists still somehow do so. Jill shows how she went from being obedient to slowly questioning the Duggar family values. It isn’t until about 75% in that she really shows how she began to turn away from the life she had been raised in.

It’s disheartening that Jim Bob and Michelle’s response seems to be disappointment in Jill for telling her story, though we see that it’s easier for them to maintain control and power when these issues are kept private. Although Jill doesn’t take her deconstruction as far as I’d like to see it go, this book shows the truth of the IBLP cult mentality, and how the fame from the show influenced her family’s every move.